EGO operor proinde EGO sum

For those who still read...

2008-10-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

Recently has been a time of testing. I switched jobs about a month ago and for a while was making an eighth of what I used to. Needless to say, that caused some problems as far as stress management was concerned and made things a little hard to stay optimistic about. However, I have begun a schedule with more hours and in turn am earning more from them. That takes a little bit of stress off. I have been doing an average job in school, aside from my struggles with algebra, and have my first substantial amount of homework to do by tomorrow morning. With that said I will not be on here long.

All in all, I have really been tested in keeping away from acting on frustrations and stress. There has been an awful lot of it lately and it surprises me how much I have been able to master it. So despite satan trying to bring me down by pulling away two disciples and barrage my girlfriend with attacks from the people she loves, I am glad to say that Christ has brought me away from the reaction to it all I would have had before, that is, a reaction of anger and depression poured out on those who deserve otherwise. Sure there are still obstacles to dodge and hurdle, but they're no match for the peace that passes all understanding.

On top of all that... The rams finally won a game and the blues are off to a great start. See ya later!

A call to arms.

2008-07-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

This is a call to war,
a call to stand and fight,
against all that's evil,
standing for what's right.

All they love is evil and greed,
They've sang their songs too long,
they revel in their sickening deeds,
praising all that's wrong.

No longer will we take this,
sitting back and taking blows,
the time is past to let this last,
letting them put on their shows.

They intoxicate the world,
pouring all their wine,
acting as something greater,
when all they are is swine.

No longer will I throw my pearls,
to those who will not hear,
no longer will I give my time,
to those that close their ears.

They try in vain to make this last,
their useless traps of infatuation,
snaring all who know no better,
selling them their fake salvation.

Flashy lights and well timed shows,
pulling in the clueless masses.
Those who watch them have no clue,
they're following a bunch of... blind men. ;)

But once they've got them in their grasp,
they've got them where they want them.
But the time has come to free the captives,
and put them where He wants them.

This is not a battle of our witts,
a war against intelligence,
it's a battle of the soul,
calling sinners to repentance.

So with all that said,
I challenge your position,
Are you lead by the by the Spirit of God,
or fighting from your own ambition?

Holding to Faith

2008-06-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

This God, This Friend with nail pierced hands,
The Sacrifice, The Spotless Lamb,
For me has come to bring me home,
And give me more than minds can know.
Though I walk this desert place,
I find my drink in His true grace.
Though I walk this valley of death,
I find my life in His deep breath.
Life my be long and sometimes hard,
But for this reason His flesh was scarred.
His side was pierced and body hung,
But for His death my praise be sung.
For through his death my life is found.
He's put my life on stable ground.

Over the line or drawing it?

2008-05-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

Over the past year or so of my life I have been put through a meat grinder of destroying all my preconceived notions on what a life with God should look like. The longer time goes on I realize how wrong I've been my whole life. I've learned that the meaning of discipleship is not merely dedicating my life to growing closer to God. However, it is the intentional dedication to the fulfillment of the great commission by multiplying disciples that multiply disciples and so forth. This process has been one of intense accountability, self-denial, and ruthless repentance. Through these things I have experienced more freedom in said year than I had in my whole life up to that, a feeling which words cannot explain.
However, with great freedom comes great persecution. I now know why James said to consider it pure joy when I encounter trials and tribulations for Jesus' sake. Without such a stabilizer as joy I'd be in a place that would make rock bottom seem like a memory foam bed. Even so, the trials that come are no match for the peace that passes understanding and now reigns in my heart courtesy of the God who created me. I now realize what Paul was saying when he wrote "It is for freedom that He set us free." With this ever soothing thought in the corner of my mind I am able to work for Him in the ways which He created me.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention that nugget of revelation which I've received. God has clearly shown me many, MANY things over the past year and has been communicating to me in ways which I'd never heard His voice before October 2006. He has shown me evidence of being baptized in the Holy Spirit as well as the true meaning of such an event. He has shown me what my gifts are and how I will be able to use them in my church groups and my future marriage to Krissy. He has shown me many things that I cannot begin to explain on the internet without sounding like more of a whackjob than I already have so far this post. Yet, in all the revelation He has managed to leave plenty of room for mystery and anxiousness to see the next step.
All in all I have learned that the road He has paved for me is most certainly not a wide one. However, I am no less responsible to walk that path with my eyes closed and my faith open than I was before my freedom of heart, mind and soul. In fact, I'd say that as each day comes and goes, my obligation and duty to that road and carrying my cross grows stronger throughout.
As I sit here listening to the most relaxing music in the world and typing this ridiculously long blog post I know in good faith what Christ died for and commanded us to fulfill. He commanded us to choose His side of the line, show others the difference and bring them over through the power of the Holy spirit, and never stop showing through our speech, thoughts and actions that there is a line that only God can define. Just like it says in Joshua 24, "Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve: whether the gods your fathers served or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living, but as for me and my house WE WILL SERVE THE LORD!" The Son of Man did not come and die for our sins so that we could cope. Everyone must decide.

Yes, I realize it doesn't rhyme.

2008-04-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

God doesn't kick me while I'm down.

Instead, He will always lend His hand in restoration.

The attacks will never stop.

The days will grow longer.

The walk will become harder, the path more narrow.

But the word of the lord remains true and just.

The love of God is everlasting and His grace is boundless.

No song could ever sing of the wonders of His love.

No eye could ever sing, nor ear ever hear, the beauty of His majesty.

My life will be a candle and His love will be the fragrance.

This world will be the room to which my light will shine.

The days will mark the burning of the wick until it flickers its last.

On that day I will be ready to hear the words my heart has longed for...

"Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Let noone disregard you!

2008-01-14T22:31:00.000-08:00

I was mopping floors at my job earlier and began to think of another poem. I'll write it out on here but it may not be complete yet and I'll need a name.

Drowning in this ocean of love
flowing with the tears You've cried.
Every time I've wandered away
yet every time You've tried...
Tried to keep me in Your arms,
You've tried to hold me near.
But every time I've gone astray
and listened to my fears.
I've taken lies given to me.
I've made them all come true.
Yet every time I've given in,
I come right back to You.
You've given love through Your cross,
though I refused to wear it.
You've given me this precious life,
though I've refused to spare it.
I have not lived a life for You,
instead I've looked for something else.
Something that will never do,
a life that led me straight to hell.
But You have saved me from my way,
and given me a new heart.
You cast away the hate in me,
and replaced it with a new start.
You've saved me from this body of death,
despite the wretched man I am.
I choose to live a life in You,
and give you everything I can.

Fall on your knees, Behold your king!!!

2007-11-27T20:56:00.000-08:00

I never listened to this song, "Oh Holy Night," in a version that included these last two verses and that really makes me sad. Those are the two best verses in the song and I've never gotten to hear them. I'll post the song, you tell me what you think.

Oh holy night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

Till He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!

Oh night divine, Oh night when Christ was born;

Oh night divine, Oh night, Oh night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,

Here come the wise men from Orient land.

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;

In all our trials born to be our friend.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,

Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!

Behold your King, Behold your King.

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

Aristotle was pretty smart.

2007-10-20T21:43:00.001-07:00

"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."

Freedom!!!!

2007-10-11T13:35:00.001-07:00

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
-Romans 8:1

" So then, brethren, we are not children of a bondwoman, but of the free woman."
-Galatians 4:31

"Taking Ground" complete

2007-08-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

As I walk here in this barren desert,
my feet scraping against sand.
I reach into the open air,
praying for a hand.
Although I cannot see it
I know it must be there.
I've been waiting all my life to find
someone who really cares.
My tears have fallen long enough
to form a thousand seas,
But tears can't lend the power as
can falling to my knees.
I know you hear every whisper,
every little cry.
So why does it never seem to work
every time I try?

I'm screaming 'til my throat bleeds
but never making sound.

I've sat here in this prison
never rising from the ground.

But I know He heard these muffled cries,
and brought me back to life.

So now I owe my all to Him,
and give myself tonight.

"Taking Ground"

2007-07-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

Screaming 'til my throat bleeds but never making sound

I've sat here in this prison never rising from the ground

But I know He heard these muffled cries and brought me back to life

So now I owe my all to Him and give myself tonight

Well...

2007-07-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure whether this past week has been eventful or just normal. Monday was our first prayer meeting at the Biggers' house. From what I heard it had some positive effects.

Tuesday I had to work and as always, it was just another day at work.

Wednesday we had Gameliel's Counsel at my house. But I had to leave early to take Krissy home so she wouldn't miss her "non-negotiable curfew" as she puts it.

Thursday I took her around town and we just went places. First we walked around the mall and realized that once you hit a certain age it's no longer a fun place. After that realization we went to El Maguey for dinner while it was pouring down rain. While there we accidentally fried her sim card in her phone while trying to password protect it. So that warranted a trip back to the mall to visit the cingular kiosk. Appearantly if you try to many times to lock out a phone you get locked out... permanently. It'll send a shock through the sim card making the phone useless for anything but emergency calls. After that she got a call from her mom saying they were gonna go shopping for her brother's birthday at Toys 'R' Us. Needless to say we go over there when we finish eating dinner. Well, we got there about an hour early. So what do you do in toys 'r' us for an hour on date night? That's right, you play with the toys and reminisce about your childhood. After we finished there we went to circuit city and she got her brother something for his birthday.

Friday, I had to work again. I know, Thursday sounded better, huh?

Saturday, I went over to Eric's house with Anthony and Allison and wtched a couple of movies and had some white castles... and by some I mean 15... plus some chicken rings... plus some soda... equals bad night's sleep.

Today I mowed the front part of the forest we call a lawn. I had to go over the right section about 6 times just to get it to cut right. Then later I have a couple of softball games if anyone wants to come watch. I play at rec' 'plex park in St. Peters. It's on the right on mexico rd. Ya can't miss it.

But as for now I thought I'd just update you all on how my week has been. Good? Bad? A little bit of both. So with that said, I'll see ya later Blogland!

S.M.C. (by Project 86)

2007-07-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

Big business ain’t easy
I’m sure you’d agree
Especially when the product is eternity-
To stay one step ahead we must achieve
And turn this holy temple
Into a factory
Is there anywhere you can run
To hide from these thieves? -
Cause eternity’s on sale today for a fee

Faith is buying me away
Buying me a way
To convert the masses into little servants
Faith is buying me away
Buying me a way
Buying me into your home (soul)

Our sanctuary of this high-rise
Our steeples our billboards
Our slogans our converts
Oh don’t forget to buy this T-shirt
As you leave
And open up the offering box
And give until it hurts
Show me an open heart and we’ll steal it away
Cause eternity’s on up for sale for a small fee today
You Know

This altar is a stage
Our sponsor must be paid
And maybe even make the front page

Deteriorating

2007-06-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

Time has had its way with me
My broken, tired hands can't build a thing
The wires that have held me still
Embedded now in flesh, define my will
The idle of my days has won
The empty I have fed has made me numb
Despite what you will find in me
The failures of my past still swell beneath

I need a heart that carries on through the pain
When the walls start collapsing again
Give me a soul that never ceases to follow
Despite the infection within

Our careless feet leaving trails
Never minding the fragile dirt that we all end in

This is where I find my fall
The cares that held me life don't work at all
And every step away from here
Is closer to the plague I hold so dear

Awaiting my end
Breathing in the day that finds me new
Redemption begins
Bleeding out the flaws in place of you
_______________________________________________________________________________

As I look at the lyrics to that song by "Demon Hunter" I start to realize really what it means. I have listened to it so many times before, sometimes even bringing me to tears, yet I have never related it to myself. Lately I have been struggling with what my place in ministry is. I realize that I should be doing it in every part of my life but for some reason I don't feel "Godly enough". I can't help but think that I'll just slack off or mess things up like I've done before. Everytime I get an opportunity to do something I always think twice and by then the opportunity is gone. The hardest part is that there is noone to blame but myself. I'm the only thing stopping me. It's one of those "I'll stop procrastinating tomorrow" kinds of things. I have the desire to live for God and I know it's what's best for me and those around me, I just never get around to it.

I'm using a Bob idea...

2007-06-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

Tell me what you see wrong with this picture...

A woman is on the worship team at her local church and is going through alot of family problems. Those family problems make it almost impossible for her to keep up with the schedule for rehersals and meetings. When she does show up she is willing and able to sing but they don't let her because she wasn't at practice, already had a sub, ect... She has been gifted with a beatiful voice and is happy to use it when possible yet, due to her inconsistancy they want to make her take a 4 month break.

Here's a few things I can see wrong with that.

1. Asking her to take a 4 month leave because she can't make it to a practice or two? Why would you deny someone an opportunity to serve in their passion and gifting simply for missing practice and/or not following their man-made rules?

2. When I discussed this with the people in charge of the situation they misquoted the verse about doing things with order. They tried using that to say that if they don't follow the system they shouldn't be allowed to serve on the team... which is both sick and wrong.

3. They felt as though it was an inconvenience to them having to schedule around her to find someone to sing each sunday. What they never thought to consider is how it would effect her, let alone her desire to continue to worship God either in that "ministry" or out.

Now, with all that said, What is the one thing wrong with this whole situation? Can anyone tell me?

Spiritual Warfare

2007-06-05T11:42:00.001-07:00

As I sit here and type this I can hear the birds out back singing their unwritten melodies. I see the rays of the sun piercing even the smallest of cracks in the trees. I smell the fresh summer air as I breathe deep the beauty that is this day and I wait. I wait to hear people shouting for joy over what God has done for them. People so intently fixed on sharing their lives with others that they simply cannot hold back their love for one another that burns so passionately within them, given only through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. But much to my disappointment I keep waiting... and waiting... and waiting.

There is a hatred that has turned what was meant for good and used it for evil. It has turned the shouts of joy into cries of sadness. It has corrupted this land of plenty into a pit of dispair. As I try to determine why all this has come to be I wait.

Then it hits me. The reason all this has been corrupted, the reason all these people die, the reason all those people suffer is caused by exactly what I have just told you... waiting. If all we ever do is wait to figure out how to stop this then we add to all this evil that has detroyed God's creation. So no more waiting, and no more trying to figure out how to stop this. We've been told how to already, we just have to listen. The time is now, this is our fight. Satan knows no rules of war, and he will not fight honorably. He will come at not only us, but our families and friends. It is time to show him what we've got.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." ~ Jim Elliot

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." ~ Edmund Burke

"Salvation"

2007-05-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

Reaching out for a hand I can't see,
I feel a hope that I can't believe.
I know the way you work is strange,
So I think it's time for me to change.
To start a life the won't slow down,
And let you turn this life around.
To trade this death for your perfect life,
And know what it's like having You inside.
You've given me more than I'll ever know,
And so Your love to them I'll show.
The line's been drawn and it's time to choose sides,
The side of hate or one where love resides.
You've made it clear which sides will stand or fall,
So I choose You as my all in all.
You are my God, my hiding place.
I raise this life to Your unending grace.
I lift this bleeding soul to only You,
The perfect Healer, please make me new.
Mend the broken heart inside my chest,
And pour Your mercy and my contempt.
I cannot keep this life of sin,
This pit of lies I've been living in.
I hear Your voice calling my name,
And I know it was for me that, to die, You came.
For all the nails I've driven in,
Show me new ways to begin.

God is not a secret!

2007-05-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

The other day on my way over to my girlfriend's house I was listening to one of my favorite cds. The song that came up displayed a whole new meaning to me when I heard it playing fairly loud over my stereo system in my car. I will post the lyrics below.

"God is not a secret" by The Newsboys

You don't understand
this is not what you think it is
You don't get it, man
you want to boil it down to show biz
Your in-depth research shows:
drop the God, emphasize the beat
I've heard that positive pop you dig--
I'd rather be buried in wet concrete

Take back your free advice
I don't accept
I will not play those games
God is not a secret to be kept


You don't understand
I'm not talking multiple choice
You don't get it, man
if the crowd's offended you find another voice
I am not running for office here
I won't keep it purposefully vague
I've heard New Age Life-force trip
I'd rather be dipped in bubonic plague

Take back your free advice
I don't accept
I will not play those games
God is not a secret to be kept


If we keep silent
If we mass defect
These very rocks will scream
God is not a secret to be kept


And would I wash my hands again?
Would I deny my savior when
he hung inside the public square?
Did not my silence put him there?

When I heard this song for possibly the millionth time I no longer related it to the music industry, despite that being the song's intention. Instead I kept relating all of the words to the modern church. Think about the lyrics to this song and see how sickeningly true it is when compared to your local church. What will you do to change that?

I do, therefore, I am.

2007-05-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

This, as you can see, is my first blog post on here. I'm not sure how often I'll be doing this but I deleted my other blog on myspace to make this one so I guess it should be fairly consistant. I just recenty participated in the most transformational experience in my entire christian life. Yesterday I got home from the first of 2 training weekends that are designed to tear down people's preconceived notions about theology and christianity and teach them how to become tools for God that they'd never even imagine.

While at this training I saw people make commitments to change and transform their lives that only God could have motivated them to make. I saw people released and empowered to use their spiritual gifts that disbelieving critics would write off as passed away. I saw teachings that are never taught in churches because it would ruin their division, doctrine and systems that they cling more dearly to than the movement of the Holy Spirit. I cannot wait until the second half of this training so that I can learn what my gifts are and how to use them for the betterment of the Kingdom of God.

The title of my blog is translated from LATIN as "I do therefore I am." So my question to you is "What do you do?" Is what you do the same as what you profess to believe? Do you argue theology in one way then perform it in a completely different way? Having asked those questions I'll leave you with a quote from BRENNAN MANNING.

"The single leading cause of atheism in the world today is 'christians'. They acknowledge Jesus with their lips then turn, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyles. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds so unbelievable."